So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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