there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
