The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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