theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
