How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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