Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The adults are the big ones right?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
