gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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