Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
