I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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