Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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