I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
