Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I love you.
Bad choice
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
