he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
did i walk over a car last night?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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