you guys were way drunker than both of me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
