Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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