I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My feet surprised me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
