look no pants
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize