I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
