Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
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