Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
