That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
