Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
