No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
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No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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