remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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