Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
