How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
