it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
