Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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