nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
