i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
