so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
