We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize