dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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