Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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