Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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