dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
