I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
