There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He is an equal opportunity slut.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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