im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize