Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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