Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
