I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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