Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

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(407): View more from Florida

i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college

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(540): View more from Virginia

I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.

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(613): View more from Ontario

She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!

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(410): View more from Maryland

Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction

(571): View more from Virginia

Done

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(416): View more from Toronto

FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.

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