i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
