she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
