i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
