I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
