why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
