Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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