it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
