Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
