Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
