That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
