How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
