if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
