i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
