2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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