hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
