Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
