I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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