I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize