Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
