Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I checked into jail on foursquare
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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