Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
