Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
