my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
