I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize