saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
