Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize